A Remembered Place
by Once.A.Queen.Of.Narnia
Summary: What did they expect me to do after all I had done? I’d betrayed my family, put them in danger they needn’t have been, and almost got them killed. Surely after all my wrongdoings, they couldn’t entrust me with the task of serving the people...'


**Author's Note: It's been a while since I've posted another fanfic, but life has been chaotic as always and I've only had these last few days to manage to come up with something. It's a bit of a confusing one-shot, but try and guess who it is about and then tell me whether it was a good idea to have a kind of 'Who is it?' feel to the story. Thank you!**

A Remembered Place

I can remember the first time I came to this place.

It wasn't soon after the Coronation and everyone was dancing around in the Great Hall, having a wonderful time, but I couldn't. I'd tried a million times that night to make conversation with our new subjects and even attempted to be taught to dance by a dryad, yet my thoughts were in another place altogether.

How was I supposed to be a king at my age?

I hardly understood my own life, and now I was in control of some magical kingdom with my brother and sisters.

What did they expect me to do after all I had done?

I'd betrayed my family, put them in danger they needn't have been, and almost got them killed.

Surely after all my wrongdoings, they couldn't entrust me with the task of serving the people whose families I may have cut short.

I remember it so clearly now. The thoughts that had first brought them to mind swim round my mind if brand new.

I had to get away.

Out into the open.

Away from the constant reminders of what I could have prevented.

I'd backed myself into one of the shadowed corners near the edge of the Hall that no-one seemed to have any attention, and with one glance at my family, tears stung white hot at the back of my eyes and I ran.

Even now, I can't explain where I expected to run to.

I'd only been in Cair Paravel for one day and night so my memory of every crook and cranky in the castle wasn't all that good.

My breath seemed to come out as shaking gasps, rattling from somewhere deep within my chest and filling every crevice of my body. There was no escaping the anguish that was slowly taking over me, bit by agonizing bit. I could feel the sobs escaping my lips, as if the emotion couldn't bear to stay in me any longer. Footsteps echoed on the ancient stoned floors and around the hollowed corridors.

For some reason, mind took over and I found myself pushing open one of the heavy wooden doors, pushing it fast behind me, and sliding, arms over my tear-streaked face, down it to a thump on the ground. The tears were coming hard and fast, with no way of stopping them. I couldn't even if I had tried. Some gigantic dam had burst, sending forth wave upon wave of uncontrollable emotion; fear, grief, relief, confusion, denial. I had never in all my life felt so naked. Every feeling I had desperately kept hidden was present to prying eyes.

My crown had disappeared without trace somewhere along the run, but even tiny details like that could not break the self-inflicted torture I was putting myself through.

I couldn't do this.

It couldn't happen.

Aslan had to have known what awful deeds he had committed, so why had he been so adamant to put me in this position when he knew that I wasn't ready for such responsibility?

Mind again pushed me onto my feet, and towards one of the balconies that covered the tall windows of the castle. It wasn't all that big, yet at that moment, he could be a wild, open field for all I cared. It was air. It was life. The cool breeze blew gently across my stinging cheeks as if caressing away each fallen tear. I braced my hands upon the balcony, leaning myself into the feeling, eyes fallen shut so to take in the feeling. I could feel my throat burn with every swallow, sobs pressing against my lips to be released in one more terrible outburst. Fingers and knuckles tightened to pure white as images of the Battle raced through my feverish thoughts.

I heard the screams.

I felt the stone.

I roared at the laughter.

I cried with the pain.

I felt like arms tightening around my body, stealing my breath. My eyes flashed open at the touch and I flinched when I turned my head and saw the one that my heart still silently screamed out for. They gazed down at me with such pain in this eyes that I couldn't help but feel a pang of regret for being the cause. I saw their lips move quietly, muttered words that I couldn't hear and yet, they eased away my fear, replacing with reassurance and whispers of promises.

"Listen to me."

I did.

"Someone once told me that in life, things were meant to happen for a reason. Maybe not all good, and maybe not bad, but that's just how things are. We can't change what is meant to be, just put the past behind us and face the future head-on. You are who you are and neither of us would want to change that, not me, not Susan, not Lucy."

"But I'm not ready," I heard a voice croak before realising the words were my own.

"Neither of us are, but we know that we have to do it and that we can't do this without you."

I felt something cool touch my left hand, and looked over to see that it was my crown, glistening up in the pale moonlight, showing its importance even to the darkness. Eyes watched me intently as the hands holding the crown gently nudged me to take the piece from them. I placed two trembling hands over it and took it into my own grasp. Even now it amazed me that it was mine. Something so precious and new. I gazed down for what seemed forever and, with an intake to steady my nerves, I lifted the crown carefully, placing it back it what felt now its rightful place.

"Now, King Peter the Magnificent, are you ready to go back or am I going to have to put up with Susan ranting on at me about my two left feet by myself?" Edmund grinned, eyes shining with amusement.

I snorted and felt my first real smile of the night appear.

"Yes, Ed, I think I am."


End file.
